


The Sweetest Taste I've Known

by weisenbxchfelds



Category: Falsettos - Lapine/Finn
Genre: "i was rich he was horny" taken to an eleven, I have a problem, M/M, i rated it t for language and i think it'll get racier than g later on :0, marv's the least sexy sugar daddy ever, this is the second fic where marvin is just spending money on whizzer
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2017-07-24
Updated: 2017-07-25
Packaged: 2018-12-06 07:49:10
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 3
Words: 3,658
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11596173
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/weisenbxchfelds/pseuds/weisenbxchfelds
Summary: Whizzer is coaxed by the lesbians to join Tinder, as is Marvin by Jason.Marvin's profile is sincere, Whizzer puts a particularly interesting addendum in his.They fit like a glove.Alternative summary:Whizzer wants a sugar daddy and Marvin is happy to oblige.





	1. Swipe Away, Dad!

Whizzer let out a sharp exhale after taking a sip of his coffee.  

Cordelia, sat diagonal from him across the coffee shop table, raised an eyebrow. "What's up?"

He took another sip of his mocha before answering. "How did you guys find each other?" He rested his chin in the palm of his hand as he gazed upon the lesbians.

Charlotte leaned over to rest her head on Cordelia's shoulder. "It was such a cute coincidence, listen."

Charlotte went on to tell a different version of the same story he had heard a million times from Cordelia. Something about a supermarket and dropping a bunch of apples everywhere. Cordelia rushed over to help Charlotte pick them up and dropped a lame comment about an apple a day keeping the doctor away, and then Charlotte retorted with an even lamer comment about how she was a doctor and would hate to be away from someone so beautiful. Whizzer wanted to barf.

"How do you just meet people in the supermarket? Sounds ridiculous."

Cordelia, still snuggled up to Charlotte decided to change the subject. "Well, how do you not have a billion guys lined up at your door? You're totally hot and sweet."

Whizzer sighed. "I know, right? I'm the hottest and the sweetest, but only gross dudes seem to be into that right now,”

The lesbians rolled their eyes in a weird unison. "All dudes are gross," Charlotte said, matter-of-factly.

"I know, the fact that I am one makes me want to light myself on fire," Whizzer deadpanned.

"Have you tried online dating?" Cordelia asked.

Whizzer looked at Cordelia as if she just told him she had killed a man. "No. Absolutely not."

Charlotte rolled her eyes. "It's not that big of a deal. Plenty of people use apps and stuff."

"Yeah! Our neighbors across the hall met on Grindr. They're adorable!" Cordelia said.

"I was on Grindr for two seconds a few months ago. The amount of unwarranted dick pics I received before I had even finished setting up my account was astounding."

"Maybe one of those dick pics would have led to love, and you just didn't allow it. What a shame." Charlotte said.

"Ha, ha." Whizzer rolled his eyes.

"What about Tinder?" Cordelia suggested.

"Isn't that for straight people?" Whizzer's mock disgust was about two-percent not mock.

"No, I'm pretty sure you can put what you're into and stuff..."

"I'm into money," Whizzer replied.

"I'm sure you can put that."

Whizzer giggled at the thought. "Okay, I'll make a Tinder, but all that I'm putting in the bio is 'Looking for a new sugar daddy.'"

The lesbians giggled too, and through it Charlotte managed, "Okay, but what if someone messages you?"

"Then I have a new sugar daddy, obviously, Char."

 

* * *

 

Marvin was a little embarrassed that he was setting up an account for an online dating service. However, he was more embarrassed because his twelve year old son was helping him set it up.

"Dad, I just don't want you to be lonely anymore," Jason had said. "Mom has Mendel, and you've not even went out since their wedding."

The whole process had been very tedious, and he was actually pretty grateful to have Jason do it, because if he had done it by himself it would have been a disaster. Jason helped him pick out the best pictures, and was very picky about which ones made the cut.

“That picture has me in it! You can’t post that!” Jason said, referring to a photo they had taken together at one of Jason’s little-league games.

"Why not?" Marvin asked. “You’re my son,”

"Dad, come on, ease into it."

Marvin didn't understand what he meant, but decided against arguing further.

Jason handed his dad the phone when he was finally finished. "Okay, there you go. Swipe away, dad!"

And so he did.

The men on the app were… interesting, to say the least. There was tons of lingo that Marvin didn’t understand. He didn’t know what masc4masc was, and thought that too many men had a “no fats, no femmes,” requirement.

He found several boys to be cute, but each one had something off about them. This one was a dog person, that one hated kids, another was a straight girl who was ‘looking for a new GBF.’

Even after Jason had went back to his mom’s and had been gone for several hours, Marvin was still glued to his phone, continuously swiping left. If he was being too picky, he didn't care. If he was going to start dating again, he wanted to get started on the right foot.

A few more left swipes and that's when Marvin saw him. The most beautiful man in the world. His first picture showed him in a beautifully fitting pink button-up, his hair coifed to perfection, and a beaming smile that made the whole picture brighter. He clicked to view the next photo, which was somehow even better than the last. He continued clicking through pictures, and fell in love with this man in one fell swoop.

He scrolled down to view the man's bio and whispered to himself, "What the hell kind of name is Whizzer?" He also decided that a weird name was not enough reason to swipe left on this Adonis, and that he would still be interested if his name was Shithead Magee.

This Adonis's, or Whizzer's, bio mentioned his interests in theatre and fashion, both things that bored Marvin, but the last line intrigued him deeply.

'Looking for a new sugar daddy.'

Marvin's eyes left his phone's screen for the first time in hours. He blinked into the darkness of his apartment, and considered this line. Marvin always thought his merits lie in his intelligence and wit, but if his money could get his foot in the door, he was willing to use it.

Without another moment of hesitation, he swiped right and clicked his phone to lock it. He plugged it into the wall charger and settled into his bed, falling asleep with inappropriate thoughts of Whizzer Brown swarming his brain.


	2. Emoticons Are Hard

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> In which Marvin doesn't understand emojis and Whizzer sees himself becoming a sap.

As soon as Whizzer and the lesbians had settled into their usual booth at the café, Cordelia began interrogating him.

“So, find any hot daddies on Tinder yet?” she asked.

Whizzer outwardly cringed at the phrase ‘hot daddies on Tinder,’ coming out of Cordelia’s mouth.

“I will tell you… as long as you promise to never say that again,” he said.

Cordelia shrugged. “Whatever.”

Charlotte interjected then, “Well,  _did_  you find any hot daddies on Tinder?”

“Jesus fucking Christ,” Whizzer laid his head down on the table in frustration.

“Just tell us, you big baby.” Charlotte said.

Whizzer raised his head up and began to tell his Tinder tale.

“Okay, so I’ve received several right swipes and a billion super likes, which like, can you blame them?” The lesbians rolled their eyes at this, but Whizzer ignored them and continued.

“One problem I had was several of these super likes I got from the twinkiest little gays ever. Does this profile, which raves about musical theatre and wanting a sugar daddy, not scream ‘bottom’ to them?” Again, cue eye roll.

“And after the sea of twinks, was a lot of faceless torsos, which, call me crazy, was pretty hot, but I want a face to go with my man candy,” The lesbians showed disgust at the phrase ‘man candy,’ which, again, Whizzer ignored.

“Can we get to the part where you find true love and stop talking about twinks and abs?” Charlotte interrupted another of Whizzer’s spiels about this one guy’s eight-pack.

“Okay, rude, but there was this one guy…”

“Tell us! He sounds wonderful, Whizzer!” Cordelia grabbed his hand from across the table.

Whizzer pulled his hand away and gave her a look. “Could you like, maybe, chill, please?”

“No chill! Tell us about your true love!”

Whizzer decided against arguing with her, and pulled up the profile that he still hadn’t decided on swiping right or left. The lesbians took his phone when he handed it to them and started looking at the pictures.

“His name is Marvin, which sounds like a total old man name. He’s like ten years older than me, but he looks like… a hot dad or something, which I’m totally into.” The lesbians continued to evaluate the profile, so Whizzer continued to talk. “And look at the third picture. Do you see that interior design in the background? Dude is loaded.”

“What if that’s at a friend’s house?” Charlotte looked up at him.

“Then I’ll meet his friend through him and date him instead. Obviously, Char.”

Charlotte rolled her eyes but returned them to the screen soon after.

“Well, this is great! Right swipe!” Before Whizzer could stop her, Cordelia had went off the deep end.

“Delia!” Whizzer practically shrieked before snatching the phone out of her hands, “I wasn’t ready!”

“Oh please, this guy is great. His bio was adorable. He’s like a quaint little old man. But like, sexy.” Cordelia said.

Whizzer was about to retort, but then his phone dinged.

             _From: Marvin Lake, To: Whizzer Brown_

_Hi, Whizzer! :-D_

“Red alert,” Whizzer whispered, “He puts noses in his emoticons.”

Cordelia looked genuinely offended. “Hey! I do that!”

“And I’m your friend despite it.”

Charlotte spoke before Cordelia could defend herself, “What did he say?”

“Just, ‘hi, Whizzer,’”

“Well, say hi back,” Charlotte said.

“It’s not that simple, Char,” Whizzer replied.

“I can assure you that it one-hundred and ten percent is,”

Whizzer didn’t have a witty reply, so he listened to her.

          _From: Whizzer Brown, To: Marvin Lake_

_hey, Marvin_

For good measure, he put the smirking emoji. You know, the one that looks like a twelve-year-old boy after he’s made a “that’s what she said,” joke? Yeah, that one. It pretty much embodies Whizzer’s whole being.

* * *

 

Marvin sat in his office chair, absent-mindedly swiveling back and forth, eyes boring into his desktop. Work was so unbelievably slow today, and he couldn’t help but keep checking his phone to see if Whizzer Brown had swiped right on him.

He was just about to swear men off for forever when his phone dinged and the Tinder app informed him that, “It’s a match!”

Marvin practically jumped out of his seat with glee. He unlocked his phone and immediately messaged Whizzer. A friendly, “Hi, Whizzer!” should do it…

He also decided to add an emoticon he had saw on Facebook to the end. Just to seem fun and flirty.

When Whizzer messaged him back almost immediately, his heart stopped.

Just a simple, ‘hey,’ back, but at the end was another emoticon. But it was fancier than Marvin’s. He damned himself for not asking Jason about these cute, yellow pictures. How will he seem fun and flirty now?

Marvin spent perhaps way too long deciding what to talk to Whizzer about. He decided on this after about eight solid minutes of staring at the chat screen.

             _To: Whizzer Brown, From: Marvin Lake_

_You look lovely in all your pictures! How are you? :-)_

Nice flirtation, ol’ Marv, he thought to himself, Solid emoticon, too.

* * *

 

“He said I look lovely in all my pictures,” Whizzer said after a sip of coffee.

“How old is this guy?” Charlotte asked, but Cordelia spoke above her with, “He’s so sweet!”

Whizzer thought on this for a moment. Yeah, it was pretty sweet.

             _To: Marvin Lake, From: Whizzer Brown_

_aw, Marv. thank you. you’re pretty fine yourself. and i’m just swell. how are you?_

Was it too much to put the eggplant emoji after he complimented Marvin? He didn’t care.

* * *

 

Okay, Whizzer Brown certainly had the upperhand on Marvin, because not only did he have cute yellow smiley faces, he also had access to vegetable emoticons. He really needed to talk to Jason.

Also, Marvin was a bit confused as to why Whizzer sent him the eggplant. Maybe he was just letting him know he was a vegetarian? Marvin respected that.

* * *

 

The pair continued to go back and forth. Whizzer relaying the conversation to the lesbians, Marvin smiling to himself like an idiot.

Even after he had left the café and had opened up the photography studio, Whizzer continued to talk to Marvin between photoshoots. Several screaming toddlers from a culty-looking blonde family couldn’t remove the smile from his face that was plastered on from all the sweet compliments Marvin had payed him.

This man, this Marvin, genuinely seemed interested in talking to Whizzer. Most other guys would have already asked him a time and a place for some one time hookup that Whizzer would regret the morning after. Marvin had repeated over and over again how “lovely,” and “beautiful,” Whizzer appeared to be in his pictures, and it gave him butterflies.

Butterflies? Over some guy who didn’t even know how to use emojis? Whizzer disgusted himself.

He continued to disgust himself when Marvin asked to meet him for dinner tomorrow night and he agreed.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> thank u for reading!! kudos/comments are appreciated!!


	3. A Fancy Kind Of Guy

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Marvin picks up Jason from school while Whizzer gets ready for their date with Cordelia's help.

Jason didn’t miss a beat when he climbed into Marvin’s car.

“So, Dad! How’s Tinder?” Jason said as he fastened his seat belt.

Marvin coughed nervously, not expecting to have to describe to Jason his romantic exploits.

“Woah, kid, slow down,” He said, accelerating away from the school’s pick up line. “Let’s start with you. How was school?”

“I don’t care about how school was, and neither do you,” Jason dismissed the question. “How is Tinder?”

Marvin scoffed. “What! Of course I care about how school was!” Marvin wanted to believe that he meant that.

“It was literally fine. It was a normal day,” Jason said quickly, “Now, tell me about Tinder!”

Marvin sighed, defeated. Jason was not going to let this go. “I matched with this guy…”

Jason’s face lit up. “Finally! Now it won’t be sad when you third wheel with Mom and Mendel at my baseball games,”

“Right in the pride, son,” Marvin murmured.

Jason ignored him. “Continue!”

“And he’s the reason why I’ve got to drop you off at your mom’s instead of you coming to my house tonight,” Marvin explained, “I’m taking him out to dinner,”

“That’s boring,” Jason said.

“What’s boring?” Marvin asked too quickly. Was he boring? Was this because of the emoticons?

“A dinner date. Laser tag would be cooler,” Jason explained.

“You’re probably right, kid.” Marvin conceded. At that, he was reminded of the burning questions he had from yesterday.

“Hey, Jason, can I ask you something?”

Jason’s face turned pale. “My friend was using my computer, that stuff was from him, not from me! I promise, Dad. It wasn’t me,”

“Stuff on your computer-? What’s on your computer, Jason?” Marvin asked, putting on his mature father hat for the first time during the car ride.

Jason’s face somehow managed to turn redder than it already had been. “Nothing! What did you need to ask?”

Marvin thought on this for a moment, whether or not he should interrogate Jason on this. He decided to tell Trina about it and let her deal with it. Just like when they were married.

He allowed the subject to change.

“How do you get those little yellow, um, smiley faces? On your phone, I mean,” Marvin asked.

Jason started giggling. “Do you mean ‘emojis,’ Dad?”

“ _What_ did you just say?” Did Jason just swear? Marvin couldn’t keep up anymore.

“ _Emojis,_ ” Jason repeated. “It’s the brand version of the word ‘emoticon,’ keep up, Dad,”

“I’m trying,” Marvin murmured. He spoke up, “How do you get them?”

“They come on your phone automatically, you don’t ‘get them,’” Jason explained.

“No, I mean how do you use them?” Marvin asked.

“Oh,” Jason pulled his phone out of his pocket and waited until a stop light to show his dad. “Look, all you do is when you’re typing you click on this smiley face right here,” Jason clicked, “And there you go. There’s tons more than just smiley faces, you should check them out.”

“Do they have vegetables?” Marvin asked.

Jason’s face screwed up at the odd question. “…Yeah, Dad… ‘They’ have vegetables,”

The rest of the drive was spent mostly in silence after Jason plugged in his headphones. Marvin turned up the radio, an NPR broadcast, to drown out the loud electronic music coming from Jason’s phone.

When they pulled into the Trina’s driveway, he remembered another question.

“Oh, hey, Jason?”

“Yeah, Dad?” Jason was stuffing his headphones back into his backpack.

“So, this guy, my friend, I’ve been talking to-”

“Your boyfriend?”

Marvin exhaled sharply. “Oh, geez no, not my boyfriend… not yet anyway…” Marvin trailed off, but continued. “So, anyway, if he were to use, say, an eggplant – what did you call them? Jemojis?”

“ _Emojis_ , geez, Dad,”

“Right. Ee-mojis. Thanks, sport,” Marvin continued, “If he were to use an eggplant emoji out of the context of produce, what would that mean?”

Jason’s eyes got wide and he darted away from Marvin’s gaze. “I’ve got homework to do. Love you, dad, bye,” He said this all very quickly, and before Marvin could protest he was already inside his mom’s house.

As Marvin drove home to begin getting ready for his date, he couldn’t help but wonder why Jason dodged his questions. What did Jason have against vegetarianism?

* * *

 

Whizzer was deciding between two shirts in his bedroom when he heard his apartment door open and close.

“Are you a murderer, or a lesbian?” He called out.

“Just a lesbian!” Cordelia’s voice rang in a sing-song.

“Damn, I was hoping for the first one,” Whizzer said as Cordelia stepped through the threshold of his bedroom.

She started miming stabbing motions as she said, “Or maybe I’m both!” She stepped toward Whizzer and feigned stabbing him in the neck.

“Where’s Charlotte?” Whizzer asked.

“Still at the hospital. Someone’s got a lightbulb up their ass,” Cordelia shrugged and said this as if it was completely normal.

Whizzer thought on this for a moment. “Does that… does that feel good?” Whizzer asked this mostly to himself.

“Do not put a lightbulb in your ass, Whizzer Brown!” Cordelia wagged a finger in his face.

“I wasn’t going to!” Whizzer replied, “Probably. Probably wasn’t going to.”

Cordelia rolled her eyes, but changed the subject. “What are you wearing tonight?”

Whizzer held up the two shirts. “Help me pick, I’m wearing that jacket,” Whizzer gestured to a dark blue suit jacket that lay neatly on his bed.

Cordelia thought on this for a moment. “I like the light blue,” Cordelia said, finally.

“Okay, cool,” Whizzer tossed the light blue shirt aside and started to put on the other shirt in his hands.

Cordelia huffed. “Why did you even ask me?”

“Because I wanted your opinion!” Whizzer said.

“You didn’t listen to it!”

“Doesn’t mean I didn’t want it!”

Whizzer stepped into his closet to grab a black tie, and Cordelia kept talking.

“Whatever,” she said, “Where is he taking you anyway? You look so fancy,”

“I’m not actually sure, but he said it was a fancy kind of place, so I’m gonna dress like a fancy kind of guy,”

Cordelia snorted. “You already are a fancy kind of guy.”

Whizzer feigned insult. “I will not stand for this homophobia, Delia!”

Cordelia giggled and eventually so did Whizzer. Their banter continued to go back and forth while Whizzer finished getting ready.

* * *

 

It was six o’clock exactly when Marvin knocked on Whizzer’s apartment door. He wiped the sweat off his hands on his pants nervously. A perky blonde woman greeted him at the door, and Marvin was immediately embarrassed, thinking he’d knocked on the wrong door.

“You must be Marvin! Oh, you’re so cute in person!” She looked like she was about to step forward and pinch his cheeks.

He heard a man’s muffled voice call out, “Delia!” in an aggravated tone.

Marvin stammered. “Um, uh, is um, Whizzer here?”

“Yes! He’s just finishing getting ready!” She stepped aside in the threshold, “Come in for a second!”

And so Marvin did. He glanced around Whizzer’s apartment. He noticed several breaks in the wall’s plaster, and the only seating available seemed to be an old, partially broken loveseat in the corner.

The woman extended her hand to Marvin. “I’m Cordelia, by the way, Whizzer’s lesbian friend from next door,”

Marvin took her hand and shook it, “I’m Marvin,”

The two spent a few minutes exchanging pleasantries about the weather and whatnot, and then he saw him. The most beautiful man in the world stepped out into view in the hallway and Marvin felt his heart get caught in his throat. He smiled at him.

Marvin went to extend his hand for a shake, but Whizzer hugged him instead. Marvin practically melted into the hug.

“Hey, Marv!” Whizzer pulled away and smiled down at him, and Marvin felt the room get very hot. He felt so childish blushing at the nickname, but he couldn’t help himself.

“Hey, Whizzer,” Marvin smiled back. He shuffled on his feet, suddenly very aware of the closeness between the two.

The two men stood there, looking at each other for a while, but then Cordelia decided it was time to break the tension.

“Okay, you guys can gayly stare at each other for two hours, or you can go out to dinner,” she said.

Marvin coughed nervously. “Right, yes, dinner, the thing we’re doing tonight, going to dinner,” he shuffled on his feet again. “Come on, Whizzer, dinner is where we’re going, we are going to dinner, follow me, I will take us to dinner,” If Marvin could stop speaking, he would, but he was so flustered he couldn’t. “We’re going to dinner! Lovely to meet you, Cordelia, but now we are going to dinner!”

And with that, he began leading the way out of the apartment and only half-contemplated running away into the woods never to be seen again.

* * *

 

“He’s cute,” Cordelia said.

“He’s rich,” Whizzer corrected her.

Also very cute. And sweet. And making Whizzer Brown curse himself.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> thank u as always!!

**Author's Note:**

> thank you for reading!! please leave a comment/kudos so i know people want me to continue!!


End file.
